Does anyone really know what they want?

Well Hi!!!

I haven’t been on this little thing in a while. And I bet that not a soul has missed me, and that is perfectly OK. I’ve been getting on with my life and so have you. Looking back, the last time I actually wrote an actual blog post (instead of promoting a YouTube video) was November 6th 2016 – ten whole months ago.

So what’s happened since then…?

WHAT. HASN’T. HAPPENED???? Bejeezus, since November a whole bunch of shizz has gone down. After last years super duper weight loss, I decided that I’d feel a bit more comfortable and in proportion with a bit more up top, so December was when I had my breast augmentation. This meant a good few months away from training both myself and clients, and some time realising that being able to reach up above shoulder height is grossly underrated! I made the decision for December because that’s when we were originally told that we were going to be moving to Dubai, and so finishing work around then made sense. But it didn’t quite happen that way, as we ended up moving over to Dubai in March, literally 3 days before ALL of Matt’s family (kids included) came out as a birthday surprise for Mr 3-0.

After the quite-frankly mental and stressful move over to Dubai, Matt was straight into the craziness that is Apple Dubai Mall, and I landed the 2 month job with GuavaPass and PUMA. I absolutely loved working with those guys, but I always knew that it was a temp job, and afterwards I was flying solo. The prospect of trying to find new clients honestly didn’t feel that appealing to me after being back in the events game for a while, and I was constantly trying to think about what it was I actually wanted. And I still don’t know really – but does anyone really?

I was applying to all kinds of jobs – gym based, hospitality, events – you name it, I was applying. Secretly hoping that something epic would come along that would spike my interest and everything would fall into place. Matt would ask me ‘Do you still want to do Personal Training’ and I had to say yes because we’d spent so much time and money getting me my qualifications, but in reality I really didn’t know. And still don’t really… but anyway, Ramadan came around mid-June and Dubai practically ground to a halt. Think Britain when it snows… nothing. Though I kept applying to everything that even slightly appealed to me, hoping still that something would come around. Pretty demoralising when you send out 50 personalised applications, along with adapted CVs to suit the role on offer, only to hear absolutely nothing back.

Anyway, with the height of summer coming to Dubai, Matt & I took the opportunity to get out of the furnace and headed back to the UK to see family, go to a friends wedding, and as an extra bit of excitement for me – I got to go to Ibiza to see some friends and solidify some wedding plans with the help of Mysha by meeting the florists, the cake lady & the venue team at Pikes. Honestly, getting away from Dubai was a breath of fresh air (both figuratively and literally) because everyone is more chilled out on holiday and I wasn’t feeling the horrendous strain of not having a job. In the back of my mind, and back since the move in March, all I could think about was the fact that our rent payment would come round and I had absolutely no way of contributing to it. But I still didn’t know what I wanted to do (or how to get to that point even if I did)…

This blog post isn’t supposed to be a rant, so I’ll get on with it lol! After Ibiza, I spent the weekend in Brighton with my friend George, and we had such good fun. Stay up until 6 in the morning talking shit kinda fun. And during one of those early morning chats, the question went round of ‘If you could do anything you wanted as a job – what would it be?’. I remember saying that I’d love to make YouTube content; vlogs, informative videos, recipes and all of that kind of stuff. A drunk persons words are a sober persons thoughts, and so maybe that it what I want – but does anyone really know? Do you?

I made some really good friends that weekend, and coming back to Dubai truly sucked. Yes, there were the inevitable holiday blues, but there’s also the fact that obviously Matt & I moved here as a couple, on our own, with all of our friends and family back in the UK and living in other parts of the world. I often feel really lonely here, because the only friends that I have are Matt’s best friends – the lovely couple that moved out to Dubai this year after visiting us in 2016 ๐Ÿ™‚ Sometimes I feel like I want someone to go to the gym with, go for a drink with on a weekend, or head to a beach with when Matt is at work and I have nothing going on, but literally in the same breath I feel like I want to be on my own, I don’t want the hassle of having to explain to someone that doesn’t know me why I don’t want to go to brunch every weekend or drink at a ladies night in the middle of the week. I also don’t want to spend my time chasing people. Does that make sense?

So in a nutshell, I don’t really know what I want!
Has this happened to anyone else?

Matt makes me rediculously happy. At the end of the day, he is my best friend and spending time with him is my number 1. He was always so sure that I’d find a job, even when I felt stupidly low. I suppose he spends his days surrounded by people, and unless I am with a client, which is only just picking up, I speak to absolutely no-one – and that’s why I can feel kind of lonely. I’m sure he’s absolutely done with people by the end of his work day! Matt always makes me feel a million times better, if I ever get around to telling him when there’s a problem, but he’s always got so much on his plate with work – sometimes adding to that makes me feel bad. It all comes out in the end though, because I always end up crying at something stupid and then he has to delve into what the issue really is. HE knows what he wants. He has a plan and a goal to get to. I’m the one with nothing in place.

Fast forward to today, and I’ve just announced over on my Instagram that I have started a new Personal Training job with a company here in Dubai called Pro Physique. I’m good at what I do – I know that – and I feel that I just need to get my life a little bit busier, get some income rolling in so I feel like we’re safe financially, and fingers-crossed that will help open some doors, allow me to move forward and grow within this role simply get my life back on track. Maybe I’ll figure out what it is I actually want – who knows?!!

I’m sure this has happened to many people – and if it has – how have you got out of the slump? Have you figured out what it is you actually want?

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  1. I think this is a common problem for creative types in “non conventional” job environments. I think when you’re essentially driving your own destiny and running your own show, you spend a lot of time wondering if you’re doing the right thing and never knowing quite where you’re headed. But you also do that without the benefit of the “staffroom” full of likeminded people and friend to bounce this kind of stuff off of. I know I often end up feeling a bit lost right before I’m on the cusp of something that fires me right back up again, and hopefully the same will happen for you. And I’m always around to chat YouTube strategy; I know a lot more about it than I actually put into practise (because I have three little time constraints) and can put you in touch with people that might help if you want someone to point you in a good direction regarding making a go of that. Which I think you would be ACE at, by the way. x

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