Giving Up…

Every day I feel like giving up…

And that’s the honest truth.

At some point in there comes a time where I do something or see something and I just want to say ‘f-it’ and give it all in. There’s a constant battle in my brain of what I want now over what I want in the long term and that means a constant case of feeling pretty bloody stressed.

Take my latest example. Last night when we got home from the gig (where I didn’t drink because I’m sooooo close to making it to three months dry and I didn’t want to give up) I ate a mug of cereal. Yeah, I do that kinda thing. One mug led to two mugs, so I pretty much should have just gone for a bowl. I felt pretty guilty before I got into bed, but justified the extra bowl of food with all the dancing from that very evening. Whatevs.

This morning I got up, leaving the hungover one in bed, and I ate another bowl of cereal for breakfast. A pretty big bowl of cereal. I knew it was a big bowl of cereal because after pouring it out and thinking ‘wow – that’s pretty big’ I decided to weigh it and see whether I was being a bit excessive, or worrying over nothing. When it ended up being 150g of cereal, three times the normal portion size, I said ‘f-it’ and ate it anyway. Then I logged it in My Fitness Pal for the guilt. How back and forth can you get?!!

After eating the massive bowl of cereal and feeling the instant guilt, my mind has being going crazy trying to figure out how to rectify the ‘problem’ that I caused for myself.

We’re supposed to be going out this evening to a VIP launch of a restaurant/lounge here in Abu Dhabi, and so far, here are the though processes I’ve gone through:

 ‘I’m just gonna drink – who cares’

‘I need to go to do two sessions at the gym today to burn off the bowl of cereal’

‘Let’s go to brunch and I just won’t have any of the desserts’ (which is impossible)

‘I’m not going to drink much water or eat lunch today so I don’t look bloated in my dress’

That’s my mind. That’s how it works.

And I bet a lot of other people’s brains are exactly the same. It’s a daily struggle, and something that can be kicked off by the simplest of things – a bowl of effin’ granola.

Don’t judge people based only on what their social media feeds show. They will have a million and one other things going on that they won’t share with you